My "Pay-It-Forward" Moment

I used to think that most teens of this generation are apathetic and indifferent. I have just been proven wrong...

Earlier, one student's random act of kindness warmed my heart in more ways than one. Just when I needed someone to help me clean up others' mess, he appeared right on cue. He could have opted to leave as everybody else did but he didn't. I asked him why he was still around and he replied that he was waiting for his father to come pick him up. I reckon, a tiny voice in his head must have told him that someone in the classroom was on the brink of getting buried under a rubble of trash.

It's true then -- the real test of character is when someone does something good when no one is around. May your tribe increase, kid!

Ask Me Not!

There are three annoying questions that I wish I would never have to answer again:

1. How much do you earn?
2. How old are you?
3. When are you getting married?

I will explain in detail why I find these questions insulting and disrespectful.

The first question has no other purpose but to gauge a person's worth. I have been asked this question many times and even now, I purposely evade it for the simple reason that it just doesn't deserve an answer. Whether one is earning too much or too little, it doesn't sound right when he becomes too vocal about his salary. Yes it's true that most of us are judged by the number of zeros we have in our paycheck. However, we seem to forget that one's income has nothing to do with the quality of life that one has. A paycheck should not dictate one's character. It should never be mistaken as an indicator of one's worth. Because ultimately, a paycheck is only a piece of paper. What matters is how well you spend every single cent that you earn.

The second question is always a touchy subject. Back in my 20s, I would eagerly give an immediate reply because there was nothing to be ashamed of. Being 20-something IS a badge of honor and generally, people would always want what they do not have. I often heard people say that I have to make the most of my youth because it passes by so quickly. One moment it's there, the next it has gone out of the window. Now that I'm in my early 30s, my view of the world has changed. And along with it is how I view aging. I detest answering this question because it gives way to many implications. One, I have not built a house for myself. Two, I am not yet married. Three, I have not given birth yet. Yes, I lie about my age. But it's not because I am ashamed of it. I would say I am still in the stage of denial. Allow me to accept it first with all my heart. It will come but not now.

The final question is in a league of its own. First, it becomes a simple annoyance, then it progresses into an insult, a mockery and then eventually, a crime. I don't find this simple query amusing. Behind its innocent guise is a wicked figure. I have personally tried to answer it the best way I could but when it gets too intrusive, I totally lose my temper. I don't want to appear rude to anyone but some people are plain insensitive and they just need to be made aware how far they could go. I often wonder if they would foot the bill for the wedding because they seem more excited than I am. The worst part is, it doesn't end there. When I give an answer that doesn't satisfy them at all, they start lecturing about how risky it would be if I conceive at a later age. As if I didn't know that! My argument is, why can't they just let me be? My decision to marry now or later won't even have a direct effect on them anyway. Some marry early for a reason. While others marry at a later age, also, for a reason. In the end, I will make a decision based on my beliefs and convictions, and not because I gave in to the pressure of the people around me who think they know better.

Finally, I let it all out. Whew, that was a relief!

My Tribute to Hogwarts

I watched the last installment of HP with a heavy heart. It seemed as though I was saying goodbye to people, or more aptly characters, I have known for years.

I take my hat off to Snape, my favorite character. Way before I read Book 7, I knew you weren't who you portrayed yourself to be. My instincts proved me right. Your character is indeed a contradiction and I loved what you stood up for --- ultimate sacrifice. You opted to be depicted as a villain but in reality, you had a genuine heart for people you cared most about. For that alone, you are a hero.

Many thanks J.K. Rowling, for transporting me back to my childhood. For a time, Hogwarts was my virtual "refuge" whenever I felt like getting away from this crazy real world. As a young adult who is constantly plagued by apathy and cynicism, I found comfort in your magical world because you have made me believe in the triumph of good over evil. But more importantly, you have taught me that the best magic there is, is the magic of love.

What's Your Story?

I love watching people in their unguarded moments. Earlier,while having quick merienda at a fastfood joint, I couldn't help but stare at two interesting characters. One was a young mother sitting next to her son. The boy was eating his pasta with gusto unmindful of his mother who was shedding tears while texting on her phone. When I caught her wiping her tears, she looked away. I knew she was going through something really painful. At a nearby table was an old man who was devouring a plateful of fresh lumpia by his lonesome. I was wondering if he had any children he could share his meal with. Truly, EACH HAS A STORY TO TELL. What's yours?

Nostalgia

June 26 (Manila time): It is Day 7 of relentless downpour! When you have too much of something, you just want to scream and say, "I've had enough!" I am breaking my silence -- I've had enough of the rain! My whole week had been unproductive. I guess that's what happens when the first day of the working week falls on a holiday and coupled with heavy rainfall. The succeeding days were worse as announcements of classes being suspended were made. The week just went by with little opportunities for growth.

However,there is something in the rain that brings nostalgia. Poignant memories of the distant past come to life when it rains. Certain emotions resonate when memories of it are triggered. To me, the one that triggered these memories is the rain. Creepy!

My Top 5 List

(Indulge me, I am bored!)

Signs that you're no longer a bagets:
1. You can't watch a Kimerald movie anymore. Di na bagay sa edad! :)
2. You keep in secrecy your eternal admiration for Sharon and Gabby.
3. Your idea of a cool guy is MacGyver.
4. Your favorite teenage song is I Get Lost In Your Eyes by Debbie Gibson.
5. You still enjoy reruns of Batibot, John en Marsha, Flying House, Superbook and Baywatch!
** Guilty beyond reasonable doubt!

What does summer mean to me?

1.I don't need to get up at 5:30 in the morning.
2.I don't need to rush to work to have my finger scanned at exactly 7:30.
3.I can finally catch up on my reading -- my "patay oras" activity.
4.I can devour bowls of ice cream without any tinge of guilt.
5.I can respond to invites in the affirmative.
Summer should be all year round! :)

Dear 2011, be kind to me..

It's a brand new year --- another year to map out what I want to accomplish for 2011. I don't even know where to begin. All I know is, I am very optimistic and hopeful that this year will bring new and better changes in my life.

1. I will visit a new destination this year -- explore whatever this world has to offer.

2. I will show up in parties and gatherings that I have been invited to.

3. I will shop less but earn more in order to give more.

4. I will try to finish my academic subjects in the Graduate School so I can finally receive my long overdue diploma.

5. I will not entertain negative thoughts.

6. I will not overanalyze as it usually triggers my paranoia.

7. I will master the art of accepting reality no matter how harsh it may seem. (Nega ulit!)

8. I will try to reach out to people I have wronged in the past with the hope that better friendships will be nurtured.

9. I will be more forgiving of others.

10. I will be a better version of myself.

Life's Little Surprises

Look what I found in my mailbox today -- a personally-signed card from no less than THE Paulo Coelho!

A few months ago, I was reading his blog and saw testimonials from people who received a personal card from this literary giant. I found a link where I could write a short message and immediately after I hit the send button, a reminder flashed saying that the card might be received sometime later as Mr. Coelho prefers to have all his cards in bulk before he affixes his signature. So the message was sent and I completely forgot about it... until today!!!

Receiving fan mails is one thing I haven't gotten over.. What a shame!

Thank you, Mr. Coelho for making my day!!

My 2010 In A Nutshell

When December comes, I can't help but look back at the year that was. My 2010 IS (present tense because technically the year is not yet over)truly a roller coaster of emotions, hits and misses and also of personal triumphs. It may not have been the best year of my life but it surely left valuable lessons that I will carry with me as I welcome another promising year.

My 2010 in snippets:

1. A reunion in 2009 made "something" possible.. Something that I once thought of as a totally far-fetched possibility suddenly became a reality right before my very eyes. I did everything I could to veer away from that direction but all were in vain. When it comes, we all surrender. And boy, I did.

2. I had been a victim of cyberbullying. The details are better left unsaid but the lessons it brought shook my being to the very core. People can be harsh and so to protect oneself, it is much better to TRUST NO ONE. However I don't want to be so cynical in dealing with the world. I would just adhere to these short words: TRUST A FEW.

3. I knew with certainty who were being true to me at my lowest point. And I appreciate them even more because they stood by me and believed in me all the way. For that alone, I am so blessed.

4. I learned the value of family. Our faith was shaken at the first quarter of the year but through constant prayers and our unwavering belief in the goodness and mercy of God, we have surpassed a major test with a deeper understanding of God's purpose to each of us.

5. I have gone back to school. And to me, that is the fulfillment of a promise I made to myself a couple of years back. I put it on hold for the longest time but I am bent on finishing this the soonest time possible.

6. I am finally taking control of my finances. It used to be the other way around. The culture of materialism has totally changed the spending habits of people. We often equate designer items with "the good life." People somehow fail to see that items do not define one's character. Now, before I make a purchase, I ask myself first if the item is necessary or it's plain vanity. Chances are, I put it back in the rack and head straight home.

7. There's no use holding on to old feelings, especially if it won't be reciprocated. Welcome new people who see your worth and won't keep you waiting in vain.

8. You don't die from harsh words used against you by some people. It will break you into pieces only if you allow it, but otherwise,you'll be fine.

I Heart December

December is only a week away and I can't wait. If there's one thing I look forward to year in year out, it's the month of December. Why? Well, let me count the ways:

1. December has the shortest working days in a year. That alone is something to be happy about. :)

2. To employees like me, December is a happy month because it is synonymous to Christmas bonus and additional incentives. Therefore, it is the time of the month when we can splurge!

3. December happens to be the birth month of several of my closest friends. Is it a coincidence that they were all born in December? Cristina, my travel buddy; Maricar, my love guru; Mariegen, my appointed shrink; and Dan, my pleasant surprise.

4. It is only during this month that I receive greeting cards via air mail. I repeat, air mail, folks! Yes, the traditional snail mail that we all thought was obsolete. I love technology but this is one of those that I don't want to be "endangered" by modern tech. When I receive a card, it makes me feel so special because the person who sent it took his time out to go to a bookstore, scour through the multiple stacks of greeting cards, read the message inside, pick out the one that would capture what he wanted to say, write a short note to make it more personal, seal it and drop it at a post office with the hope that it will reach the receiver just in time for the holidays. Amazing!

5. December is the only time I receive gifts from people. Enough said! :)

6. It is only during this month that we are allowed to eat and devour to our heart's, and even to our stomach's content. Dieting is a sin!

7. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I think the most wonderful memories of my life happened during the Christmas season. My childhood was filled with memories of tiptoeing at night when everyone was fast asleep to check on my Santa paperbag hanging on a nail placed strategically in our wooden staircase. To my horror, the bag was always empty. However, in the morning, it was filled with all the goodies that I wished for. I often wondered how I could have missed another Santa sighting. Just don't ask how I eventually discovered Santa. :)

8. December reminds me of the value of family. That no matter how many parties you go to, you will still long for the company of the people who matter most to you. I always look forward to coming home and sharing a good laugh with the people who will undoubtedly stand by me when everybody else has turned away.

9. It is the perfect time to look back at the year that was -- the blessings, the triumphs, the joys, the pains, the frustrations and disappointments. However, the good should always outweigh the bad. Life is beautiful!

10. December to me is an oxymoron in itself. It is the end but it is also the beginning -- the end to a year that was either a hit or a miss but a beginning to a better year and possibly, a better life.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

What Is Life To You?

I found this very heartwarming poems/ articles and it just totally changed my perspective on how life should be lived. Read on...


A Life That Matters


Ready or not, some day will die, all will come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
Will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and
Jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from,
Or on what side of the tracks you lived at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity,
Compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
Empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,
But how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
By whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

What's In The Bag?

Here are my bag essentials:

1. Moleskine notebook
2. Shuffle
3. kikay kit
4. ballpens (black, blue and red)
5. wallet
6. hairbrush
7. tissue pack
8. cologne
9. mobile phone

My Random Musings

Allow me to share some of my thoughts on matters that perhaps at one point may have crossed your mind but you simply dismissed as unimportant or trivial to even waste time on. The complete list of my personal thoughts is written on my Moleskine journal but since I can't share all, (some are way too personal for public consumption) I just selected a few that might hit a chord and hopefully you can learn from...


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ON FRIENDSHIP

Correct me if I am wrong with this observation: Marami sa atin ang aabot sa sampu o higit pa ang mga kaibigan. Pero kung papansinin nyo,iilan lang talaga sa kanila yung kaya mong yayain na kumain sa labas o manood ng sine o magbabad sa bahay na kayong dalawa lang. Yung one-on-one pero never ka makakaramdam ng boredom.Sa makatuwid,iilan ding tao ang talagang komportable tayong kasama. Enlighten me.


We share various thoughts and ideas to people close to us --- book & movie choices, lifelong dreams, political and religious views, etc. However, there are certain matters that we confide only to a chosen few or sometimes to a chosen ONE. Matters that require a certain amount of trust and confidentiality. So far, I think my instincts have not failed me.


I hate it when somebody who tries to pass herself up as a friend suddenly becomes overly concerned but in truth, she just wants to see you wallow in misery and despair. I can tell if it's genuine concern or otherwise.


We may not understand the choice of partner of our friends but don't we all want them to be happy? Our opinions would not matter at all. As long as they are in a loving relationship,who are we to object?


ON LOVE AND BEING LOVED


When I was younger, I used to believe in a fairy tale wonderland where a guy will sweep me off my feet and build me a castle. Now that I'm older, I realized it only happens in the movies. We can't simply push away someone just because he does not conform to our ideal man archetype.


A person may appear in your life to teach you a lesson or two about love. He doesn't need to stay for long. Sometimes he just simply walks away. It's a harsh reality but then there are lessons learned.


There is no such thing as a right age for marriage. It all boils down to the right person. This is my standard answer when somebody asks me when I will tie the knot. However, it would be better if I could slap him straight in the face.


In matters of the heart, you can't regret something that at one point made you truly happy.


We may build walls to protect us from getting hurt. But the truth is, when love comes, we all surrender.


Letting go of someone who will never be yours is indeed quite liberating. It saves you the pain and anguish.


ON LIFE, AS I KNOW IT


Whenever doubts set in, I am always comforted by this line: "If it is meant for you, it will be yours."


Being overly critical about other people's lives is a reflection of one's unhappiness.


Happiness is a choice. It doesn't take a someone or a something to make us happy. It emanates from the self.


It is not right to wish other people harm. It just might backfire on you. And besides, the Man Up There will never listen.


If you obey all the rules, you'll miss all the fun. Digress a little, it won't hurt.


The best lessons one can learn are not those taught in the classroom, but those learned through cumulative life experiences.


What makes life beautiful is its uncertainty. Imagine a world where you can predict anything that will take place. It'll be fun but no thanks!!


We always have this desire to please others, that eventually we end up not showing what we truly are. It's perfectly okay to be you, or in my case, to be me! This is my reality, deal with it! (Notice that the last sentence is this blog's tagline)


LOOKING happy and FEELING happy are two different ideas. In fact, one can exist without the other. But in a utopian world, they should always co-exist. Lucky are those who have both. (sigh!)


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POSTSCRIPT: All these random thoughts have stories behind it --- most are painful, in fact. As they say, even the most painful experiences bring a ray of light that has the capacity to heal a wounded heart.

My Adult Playground

For more than a decade, my battlefield and my playground is a classroom filled with teens with raging hormones.

Stepping inside a classroom was a dreadful activity in the early years of my teaching career. I feared being stared at by these relatively indifferent strangers. I feared being judged for what I said and for what I did not.

It is still a struggle. But I'd like to think that I have learned the tricks of the trade. I no longer feel fidgety before my "audience." Over time, I have mustered enough courage to face them all, without a tiny hint of intimidation.

These kids are in my class for a reason. They want to listen, they want to learn, they want to be involved, they want to be entertained, they want to make a difference. The least I can do is to make them feel that sitting in my class is not a waste of time..

To The Virgins To Make Much of Time

My first attempt at poetry reading. Disaster it is!

Crazy Over My Moleskine

I finally received my first Moleskine notebook ever! I have been salivating over this notebook for so long but unfortunately I couldn't for the life of me shell out a thousand bucks for a writing material. Correction though, it's no ordinary notebook to begin with. It's much more than that. It is a legend on its own.

To my Moleskine donor, you have no idea how much you made me happy! Many thanks to you..

My Two Generations: X and Y

‎"A man is like a cat -- chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet."

I wonder if there is still truth to this statement. Since we are in the 21st century, there has been a paradigm shift in people's perception of what the "norm" should be. Courtship, dating and marriage, included. However, I would like to think of myself as modern conservative. I am aware that I live in a generation where almost everything is done in an instant (thank heavens for modern technology) but I can't just possibly dismiss the things I learned while growing up.

I was raised in two opposing decades, the 80s and the 90s. The former was my childhood and the latter was my adolescence. It was a state of utter confusion. Like any typical Filipino family, I was taught to uphold tradition and discard anything that goes against it. It served me well for it instilled in me an appreciation of my roots -- the very core of my being.

Then came the 90s which arguably was the transition decade -- the bridge that linked the past and the present. It ushered in a whole new generation. Suddenly, people seemed to have a re-awakening of their consciousness. The Western influence had become more widespread. Changes were noted in people's choice of music and fashion. But what was more apparent was the dramatic change in people's ideals and behavior. People had become aware of the concept of individuality and independence. Conformity slowly lost ground. Almost everyone dared to be different. It was the era of self-expression.

Oh well, times are changing. So are we.

A Cheaper Gift

Weeks before my birthday, I have been researching and reading reviews for a gadget that I have been eyeing since last summer. I wanted it so bad that I nearly deprived myself of other necessities just so I could purchase it. In fact, I was setting aside a portion of my meager salary for this particular indulgence.

I am not really "maluho" as others perceive. People close to me can attest to the fact that I don't easily take out cash from my wallet. I even earned the moniker "Maku" which is the shortened form of "makunat."

I have to admit though that I spent quite a lot during my first few years of employment. The thrill of finally earning my own keep overwhelmed me. Gone are the days when I had to beg for money from my folks for everything that I needed. All of a sudden, I was the master of my own pocket! I spent uncontrollably on things that I didn't actually need. When my wallet could no longer satisfy my urge, I applied for a credit card, which made things even worse, but that's another story.

My "lavish" spending didn't last that long. Thank God! I soon realized I had to shape up and do something about my finances. Spending too much on items isn't practical at all. As long as I still have 2 decent pairs of jeans and a couple of presentable tops, I'll be fine. This change of heart probably comes with age. When I was younger, my idea of self-image and self-worth was mainly based on the brands that one has in his closet. Now that I am older, I have learned that one's self-worth depends on his abilities, competencies and achievements.

The item which I was supposed to treat myself with suddenly became an unnecessary distraction. I opted not to purchase it, at the last minute. I figured, if it isn't something I need, why bother?


POSTSCRIPT: I bought a cheaper item, instead. :)